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  Directed by
    None Listed
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 1.78:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  Languages
  • German: Dolby Digital 2.0 Mono
  Subtitles
    English
  Extras
  • Theatrical trailer
Vampyros Lesbos
Umbrella Entertainment/AV Channel . R4 . COLOR . 90 mins . R . PAL

  Feature
Contract

If you're in the mood for love, and I think you know the kind of love I'm talking about, you can't get much better than faux-lesbians rasping in German to each other.

As far as I can tell, the plot concerns Linda (Ewa Stroemberg) who is being hunted by an angry kite. Her plight is captured on film by a small crew of year 7 students with bad motor control and insect fixations. Later on, Linda meets the preposterously sexy vampire, Nadine (Soledad Miranda), and they touch each other. Quite a lot.

There are two kinds of cult film. The first kind has the qualities to reach a large audience, but fails for some reason, perhaps a difficult subject matter or bad marketing. The second kind is just shithaus. Guess which bucket this falls into?

  Video
  Audio
  Extras
Contract

This is a great transfer, given the source material. Images are sharp (when the camera was in focus), and the source print is extremely clean, with only minor damage. The audio is mono (for maximum sexiness), with a fantastic retro kitsch soundtrack; think Austin Powers minus the irony.

The only extra feature of note is a fullscreen theatrical trailer (in German, without subtitles). An isolated score would have been a wonderful addition.

One for kitsch fans only. Others should instead purchase the soundtrack CD from their online store of choice.


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  •   And I quote...
    "As sexy as washing your hands, but longer."
    - Paul Dossett
      Review Equipment
    • TV:
          Mitsubishi Diva 33
    • Amplifier:
          Yamaha DSP-A1
    • Speakers:
          Richter Excalibur
    • Centre Speaker:
          Richter Unicorn
    • Surrounds:
          Richter Hydras
    • Audio Cables:
          Monster RCA
    • Video Cables:
          Monster s-video
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