Okay, so I can’t come up with an idea for an animated film. What do I do? Look to the classics. Plenty of stuff there that’s deliciously copyright and royalty free and plump for the taking. Ah, what’s this? Charles Dickens? Well whoever he is, here’s an interesting storyline;
A man, devoid of any Christmas cheer, in London around 1900 sometime, is visited by the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future. They then show him various instances from his own and associate’s lives to help him see the error of his ways. Damn, that’s genius. I wish I’d thought of that.
And… hmm, we need a modern angle, something for the kids; something to get the little bastards hooked. Tiny Tim… now that little guy shows promise… no, don’t be ridiculous, he’s a bloody cripple! What’s enjoyable about that? Let me just look around this squalid writer’s apartment. Heating’s broken… nah. That goddamned mouse is back and this time he’s brought a date! Dirty little bastards! Hey, wait a minute… I’ll stick some mice in the story! Make ‘em act all chipper and personify them a bit and whamabamaloo, the kids will love it. Be like that damn Furbee thing.
Okay… so I got the story and the hook… now I need big names. Yeah, big names are always a draw. Let’s see… for Scrooge we need someone who can be evil but then turn good in the end. Ian Holm? No, he plays it the other way around. Gary Oldman? No, his characters don’t turn good. Shit. Okay, I’ll get back to that guy. What about Marley, Scrooge’s old partner who is a ghost himself? He was like Scrooge but is now a repentant ghost, so I need someone good who’s actually bad… Nicolas Cage. Perfect!
Now for the chick. Who’s got a flouncy, English, smarmy voice? Kate Winslet! Great, this is easy. Okay, I’ll leave Scrooge to the casting agents. Neat. Okay, now, because I know sod all about animation I’m gonna throw faeces at this map and wherever it lands, that’s where I’ll get the animation done…
Hmm, that kinda landed all over the place. Okay, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll get most of Europe to do some and bits of Asia and ‘Copyright Maps International 1988’ just off the coast of South America. That bit in the ocean I’ll ignore… hmm, sure are plenty of places. Oh well, I’m sure they all have animation studios.
Can’t wait to see this thing on DVD…
I can. Cheesus.
I’m really embarrassed for animation itself with this. Most of it looks so much like a student film it is uncanny. There are cel animated bits, digital animated bits, live drawing animated bits and nothing holding the whole thing together but poor Mr. Dickens and his work.
Colours are practically non-existent but for the sequence where Christmas Present is messing around (actually not a bad sequence in bright pastels and stuff). Throughout the rest are a rich variety of mission and orphanage browns with unhealthy smatterings of greys and dirty whites. The animation is truly very average here, with some very cheap and nasty manoeuvres and the laziest backgrounds I’ve seen since college. Poorly rendered, some seemingly not even finished and in a wide range of browns (yet again).
Scrooge’s combover is funny though as his errant hairs shimmy back and forth across it, much the way Butthead’s hair does when he turns his head. Also, we receive this film in glorious 4:3. Woo.
Dolby 5.1 Surround? 3.1 too many. Good old Dickensian stereo here that does the job alright, although some dialogue gets delivered too faintly. On that note, the dialogue’s lip synch varies in quality from acceptable to pisspoor.
Sound effects are alright and the musical score by Julian Nott is actually fairly nice and well-linked to scenes. The unfortunate part is the addition of two or three wholly uncharacteristic songs tacked onto the last quarter. They come out of nowhere and don’t suit the film to that point at all. Surprisingly, one of these is performed by Kate Winslet herself. While she does okay, she should stick to whatever it is she usually does.
Heaven only knows what they were thinking. The character designs have no appeal in the least, they are poorly drawn and the animation is sub-par. The backgrounds are dismal television quality at best and at worst trash can material. No doubt the attachment of the big name cast in real big letters on the case will attract the unwary (as they did I) who will find not much else within. Dickens would no doubt be amazed to see cartoons come to life, but appalled that they have trodden heavily all over his beloved story. The Muppets did a much better version of A Christmas Carol and I would recommend seeking this out if this classic Christmas tale is what you’re after.
To the filmmakers, I offer a quote from Jacob Marley:
