Right up front I’ll admit to being probably the world’s biggest hater of anything termed ‘reality television’. I think this blight on our televisual society is slowly but surely sounding the death knell for quality television entertainment, with its cheap production, lewd titillation, manufactured ‘real’ dramas and ‘empty calorie’ entertainment value.
So why am I reviewing this title? Let it not be said that I’m closed minded, biased and dismissive, as I’d rather give something a fair chance before tearing it a new a-hole. Therefore, I believe that The Real Cancun, the so called ‘World’s First Reality Film’, whatever that means, deserves the benefit of the doubt.
And frankly, after watching it, I regret attacking the medium as I have in the past. As God is my witness, from today onwards I have resolved to redouble my efforts and refocus my hateful vehemence for all things ‘reality television’, so bad is this turgid pile of shit.
Oh sure, the creators of this particular piece of trash want you to believe that it is a step up from anything you’ve seen yet, with more drama, more excitement, more nudity and more stupid vacuous people than ever before. The plot is simplicity in itself: Take a bunch of sex mad, stupid, incredibly vain, dumbarse, moronic, f*cking pathetic, shitfaced alcoholic, hateful, deserve-to-die college kids on Spring Break to a Mexican party beach and film everything that happens. Sounds interesting, yeah?
I’ve had hemorrhoids more interesting than this.
We witness a cross section of youth engaging in such reality based and culturally enlightening activities as wet T-shirt competitions, spank-a-thons, eating pie off a woman’s body competitions, drunken dancing at clubs and try to get in the sack with anything that moves, then philosophical discussions about why he or she has a bug up her/his arse. For the fellas watching this, go right to chapter fvie, fast forward for two and a half minutes to get to the wet T-shirt competition, then go into the bonus features for the extended version of it, and you’ve seen everything you need to.
|"I haven’t ‘kersplooged’ in, like, a week. My balls are the size of melons!"|
Seriously guys, when will you just admit once and for all that you only watch this crap for the boobs? Please, no-one is fooled, like you really give a damn whether Kyle and Sarah get together in the end, you just want to see them have sex. Here’s a tip: buy a porno instead, it cuts out all the boring inane relationship crap and gets right to the dirty bits.
For the girls, I’m still trying to get a handle on your attraction to the reality TV concept. From what I can make out from the discussions I’ve had with the demented women I know, it appears some of you actually genuinely are interested in the whole ‘relationship/interaction’ thing. I think it comes down to these shows being like a living version of Who Weekly, New Idea, Cleo and all those types of idiotic make-believe junk-press rumour-mongering snot rags. You girls have finally found a legitimate way to perv in on the relationships of other people and not be accused of snooping. Admit it, ladies, you love to talk about other peoples’ relationships, who’s right and wrong for each other, and who so and so should get married to.
In fact, just as I write this, my wife is telling my son it’s time for his shower so that she can settle in for the night to watch The Bachelor. Soon, I’ll be hearing cries of “That idiot! How could he pick her!? She’s a bitch!” coming from the lounge, followed by sobbing tears of joy over Trista and Meathead’s televised wedding.
As for me, I promise you that I will never again volunteer to review a ‘reality’ based DVD.
Okay, nitty-gritty, if you like this kind of entertainment (for whatever reason – it’s your brain you’re wasting), then on this DVD you’ll find more of what you’ve come to enjoy from the ‘rampaging hormone’ variant of reality TV. But it’s nothing that you wouldn’t have seen before on The Villa, in fact it plays out remarkably similar to that show.
The quality of the DVD is very good for the content, from the clarity of the picture and audio, to the abundance of bonus material which pads out the main feature by some. This has been sitting on the rental shelves for a few weeks by the time you read this review, so if you must, feel happy that your five bucks for a rent gets you pretty good value, even if I do think the money would be better off spent on a kebab and a Slurpee.