So, who would win a battle between The Starship Enterprise and The Death Star? If that’s not the age old question just begging to be made into a movie I don’t know what is, maybe Boa vs Python is the next best thing. Actually it probably isn’t.

Flamin 'eck!

The back story, if you can call it that, for Boa vs Python is made up of 3 made-for-TV movies: Boa, Python and Python 2, although the reference to the previous movies is only fleeting. With such an illustrious heritage, Boa vs Python makes no pretence of quality. As another direct to TV (and DVD) monster movie it combines bad acting, idiotic and unlikely cookie cutter story with terrible CG effects in a way that hundreds of other B-Grade monster flicks have done in the past. There’s really nothing new here.

Is that a snake in your pants...oh nevermind

Billionaire playboy Broddick enjoys big game hunting, but he doesn’t like hunting alone so he invites the best of the best to come join him on a unique safari. Broddick’s latest hunt features a giant python specially imported for his own amusement. Unfortunately, things go terribly wrong when the python gets loose, and the FBI calls in marine biologist Monica and herpetologist Emmett to use Emmett's giant Boa, Betty, to track down and contain the python in the Philadelphia water works.

While devoid of any sense of drama or suspense Boa vs Python is still worth a watch, if for nothing other than the performances of Kirk B.R. Woller as FBI Agent Sharp and Angel Boris as Broddick’s Main squeeze, Eve.

With a good dose of gratuitous nudity, cheesy special effects, hammy acting, a splash of humour combined with cheap sets and props and you’ve got a monster movie destined for the dusty rental shelves.

The only extras available on this disc is a single Theatrical Trailer, ironically named since this film never saw a theatrical release, in 16:9 widescreen format with stereo sound.

One shot, one kill (me please)

The audio presentation of Boa vs Python is quite impressive upon first inspection, we are given the choice between English, Italian and Spanish Dolby Digital 5.1 tracks. Impressive I say, until you actually have to listen to it. While watching, I had to constantly check to make sure the sound hadn’t dropped back to mono, or maybe that some of my speakers had somehow become unplugged.

Despite being a 5.1 mix it sounded remarkably like mono. Very little subwoofer action, the surround channels were used just twice that I could hear and the dialog seemed badly overdubbed in places, even on the English track.

While the audio is abysmal, the video is quite the opposite. The 1.85:1 aspect ratio 16:9 widescreen enhanced video presentation is far above the standard you would expect from a direct to TV movie.

Shhh, I think I can hear my career going down the toilet

Colour balance is good, bright when needed and suitably dull and subdued when not. Grain is non existent, shadow detail is good, flesh tones are accurate and clean. The whole picture is clear, sharp and almost completely devoid of any sort of video artefacts.

Overall, Boa vs Python isn’t going to win any awards that don’t start with the word ‘worst’. I’m pretty confident that it knows this though and there are moments in there that shine above the garbage and for those, it’s probably worth giving it a dust off and a rental.