Formula for reviewing budget direct to video DVD release.

Step 1: Look up movie on IMDB, check rating, read user reviews
User rating: 3.6/10
User revolvingdoordecapitation says: “The plot is awful�
User LoudLoyd says: “Poorly acted, poorly written and poorly directed�
User Vincent Black says: “This turkey was released at my video parlor�
User Rob Smyth says: “I kept with this turkey because my family wanted me to stay with them in the room�

Is this a movie or a sandwich? This doesn’t look good.

Step 2: Look for fans sites or other information about the movie
Discover that there is another movie called Stranded which is just as bad. This explains the multiple alternate names for this one: Stranded: Countdown to Annihilation, Black Horizon, On Eagles Wings and Space Station.

Step 3: Watch the movie, take notes

• Made for TV?
  
• Producer – Hugh Janus – also a character name in the movie, is that a joke?
  
• Stock space and shuttle footage, the shuttle shown isn’t even the one they refer to in the movie (shown is Discovery, movie refers to Atlantis)
  
• Stock footage quality is atrocious.
  
• Time 14:21 dirty film transfer, other spots too.
  
• Acting terrible, written dialog is worse.
  
• Some really stupid dialog. "Houston we have a million pound shit hammer hanging over our heads, please stand by"
  
• Cheap FX.
  
• Who puts a 5’x5’ window in an airlock?!
  
• Sabotage to cover up something something, I don’t know.
  
• Last minute save in old Apollo-like pods.
  
• Note to self: Michael Dudikoff should stick to ninjas, Ice-T should go back to rapping.
  
• So many plot holes, I’m out of paper.
  

Step 4: Attempt to produce a coherent structure from notes
Placeholder for coherent structure.

Now that’s how you write a professional review of a low budget movie, my challenge to you dear reader is to take my steps above and complete your own review of Stranded, alternatively, spend the next 2 hours not watching the movie and go outside and get some sun, like I wish I had.

Video-wise there’s nothing spectacular here, in fact, it doesn’t even cross the barrier between terrible and mediocre. A fair chunk of the movie is taken up by stock footage of the space shuttle, space, some random space station, Earth and various aircraft. All this stock footage is extremely poor quality, blurry, grainy and low resolution with no attempt made to clean it up at all making the transition between the ‘stock’ footage and the actual movie incredibly obvious.

The footage that wasn’t downloaded off the internet by the gaffer isn’t much better, alternating between grainy and soft with hideous regularity.

The audio component of this disc is basic but at least the effort was put into providing an English Dolby Digital 5.1 track, English is the only option available though, sorry Swahili speakers. Subtitles are only available in English for the Hearing Impaired (again, sorry to those deaf Swahili people).

The 5.1 track is acceptable but not exceptional. Surround channels are used occasionally but effectively, bass is appropriately used during explosions and other relevant times. The poorly written dialog is all too clear, you wont miss a single line of forced, confusing and badly acted garbage. One major audio glitch is evident at time mark 86:20 where the sound dropped out completely for about a second.

The only extra feature on this edition of Stranded is a theatrical trailer, presented in 16:9 with two channel sound. The menu system is static but functional and without sound.

Movies like this give budget movies a bad name. It has been proven time and time again that a movie can be so bad it’s good but stinkers like Stranded are so bad they’re bad. Without a decent audio or video experience to redeem it this DVD is worthy of becoming a coaster and nothing else.