HOME   News   Reviews   Adv Search   Features   My DVD   About   Apps   Stats     Search:
  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 1.85:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  • French: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  • German: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  Subtitles
    English, French, German, Czech, Greek, Polish, Hungarian, Dutch, English - Hearing Impaired, German - Hearing Impaired, French - Hearing Impaired
  Extras
    Timecop 2 - The Berlin Decision (Rental)
    Universal/Universal . R4 . COLOR . 78 mins . M15+ . PAL

      Feature
    Contract

    Do you remember a film a few years back called TimeCop? It starred that sissy splits doing she-man Jean Claude I’m So Damme Stupid, in what was admittedly one of his better, more watchable forays into polluting the cinema screens of the world.

    Click here to enlarge and send to a friend
    "My God, look at what the reader of this review is doing with his right hand! Ewwww...!"

    J.C. was famous for showing his arse, as it was generally considered to be a much better actor than he was. He was also fond of doing the aforementioned sissy splits, something which he obviously thought made him look like a man not to be messed with.

    Badguy: “I’m gonna tear your head off and take a dump down your neck!”
    J.C.: “Pahaps you shood loog at mi do dis...”
    J.C. performs the splits, while naked, showing the badguy his arse...
    Badguy: “Arrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...!”
    Badguy's head explodes.
    My wife turns to me: “Why don’t you have an arse like that?”

    That was the sum total of the attraction of J.C., and over the following years after TimeCop his career went down the shitter bigtime, audiences having grown tired of paying 12 bucks to hear someone mangle the English language and show his butt whenever he felt like it.

    So it goes without saying that J.C. wasn’t asked back to reprise his role in TimeCop 2 – The Berlin Decision.

    For this alone, the story earns one extra point.

    This time, the main character is played by Jason Scott Lee, who, interestingly enough, played Bruce Lee in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story, also a few years back now. Here, Lee plays Ryan Chan. His middle name isn’t Lee, he doesn’t know anyone named Lee and he doesn’t have a dog called Lee. Chan (maybe his nickname is Lee?) is another TimeCop working for the TEC, just like John Claude “Lee” Van Damme was, spending his time patrolling the temporal timetunnels of... err… time, trying to keep moody, determined bad guys from travelling back into the past and making changes that could screw up the future.

    Click here to enlarge and send to a friend
    In a few moments, Cpt. James will test the world's first automated haircut chair. With horrific results.

    During a routine trip to the past, Chan crosses paths with Brandon Miller (Thomas Ian “Lee” Griffith) and his wife Sasha (Tricia “Lee” Barry), agents from another government agency set up to monitor and record history. Chan discovers that this other agency is really in the past to assassinate Hitler (Adolf “Lee” Hitler), so Chan does the proper timecop thing and stops them, but in the process shoots and kills Sasha.

    Naturally, Miller is pissed, what with his wife shot dead and his mission ruined and time travel being so damn expensive and all. So, as every bad film with a dead wife and a bleached blonde bad guy goes, Miller plots revenge, and upon breaking out of prison he begins travelling back in time to wipe out the family lines of all the TimeCop agents so that his wife never gets killed.

    As Chan and the TimeCops discover this plan, the story enters the phase where Chan has to repeatedly jump into the past to chase Miller, each time coming back to the ‘present’ (and the present is a subjective thing, if you follow their theory) to discover Miller has made changes which have affected the future, or is that the present? Well, it’s the future if you’re looking at it from the past, or it’s the future if you’re looking at it from today, which for the sake of the argument is February 3rd 2004, but the present in the film is actually our future (2025), so the changes Miller makes in the past alter the film's present.

    Right about this point, several hundred million of my brain synapses just died, leaving me with no idea where I left my car keys and a profound desire to dig a hole in my backyard.

    Whether it was a lack of resources, bad scripting, dodgy editing or all three, many of these changes discovered as Chan returns to the present (see above paragraph) aren’t explained, and thus leave you with the sensation that something is sorely missing from the exposition. Instead, they opt to quickly send Chan back into the past again and again to continue his chase and save themselves from being wiped out.

    If this film was a six pack of beer, it would have two cans missing, and someone would have taken a swig from three of the remaining cans. It really does feel like that much is missing. Any opportunity to improve the story by expanding on the effects changes to the past have on the future are given short shrift and the film ultimately pays the price for it.

    The final disappointment is the obligatory stoush ending, which isn’t too hard to see coming when you factor in the kung-fu fighting ability of the two main stars. When a sci-fi flick has to result to that sort of an ending, then it’s safe to say that it simply wasn’t made right.

      Video
      Audio
      Extras
    Contract

    Not a single qualm in regards to picture quality though. Transferred to DVD in what I guess has to be the correct ratio (1.85:1, 16:9 enhanced), seeing as this was a direct to video release in the States, the picture is as clean as a well-polished crystal bowl made from the finest and clearest crystal and polished with the finest rag manufactured by man for expressly cleaning crystal bowls with. There's no problematic artefacting of any kind to note, colours are lush and detail is sufficiently rich.

    Audio is also sufficiently aggressive and dynamic enough to please most people, with a good expansive Dolby Digital 5.1 track that carries the effects and dialogue with ease and suitably tricks it out with the odd embellishment to the atmosphere.

    This rental release does not contain any bonus features.

    It also does not contain an Easter Egg of John Claude Van Damme showing his arse to his face. Thank your respective Gods for small miracles.


  • LINK: http://www.dvd.net.au/review.cgi?review_id=3618
  • Send to a friend.
  • Do YOU want to be a DVDnet reviewer? If so, click here

    Cast your vote here: You must enable cookies to vote.
  •   And I quote...
    "...several hundred million of my brain synapses just died."
    - Vince Carrozza
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Sony DVP-NS730P
    • TV:
          Philips 55PP8620
    • Receiver:
          Sony STR-DB1070
    • Speakers:
          Wharfedale s500
    • Centre Speaker:
          Polk Audio CS245
    • Surrounds:
          Wharfedale WH-2
    • Subwoofer:
          DB Dynamics TITAN
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard Optical
    • Video Cables:
          Standard Component RCA
      Recent Reviews:
    by Vince Carrozza

    20 Million Miles to Earth
    "THRILLS! CHILLS! PLASTICINE!"

    Earth Vs The Flying Saucers
    "The people of Earth face their ultimate threat – not from the DEVIOUS COMMUNISTS! Not from the WILEY CHINESE! Not even from the sinister ROTARIANS!"

    City Under the Sea
    "What, indeed, was the point of this film, and why did they write a part for a bloody rooster?"

    Santana - Down Under Live at Sydney's Hordern Pavilion
    "Fans can look beyond the flaws though and just revel in the Gold FM hits without the annoying ads."

    Phantom of the Opera (1925)
    "It’s your typical ‘lovesick masked psycho meets girl, girl unmasks psycho, psycho goes on rampage” story."

      Related Links
      None listed

     

    Search for Title/Actor/Director:
    Google Web dvd.net.au
       Copyright DVDnet. All rights reserved. Site Design by RED 5   
    rss