Warner Vision/Warner Vision .
R4 . COLOR . 64 mins .
G . PAL
Feature
Contract
Just typing the headline for my review I misspelled ‘Transformers’ and typed ‘Tyransformers’ and immediately I was reminded of the dodgier attempts to milk every last bleeding cent from this lucrative cash cow of the ‘80s. They had the Dinobots™ and the Constructicons™ and… I think there were some more.
Anyway, this review is for… let me see here… Transformers Armada 06™. Remember that bit in Four Weddings and a Funeral where Hugh Grant, composing himself as he sits in the chapel, says to the person next to him, ‘Who is it this week?’
I feel like that right now.
Transformers™ in 25 words or less (cereal companies take note – this is how it’s done):
A race of robots that transform into vehicles fights another similar army on Earth searching for Miniconsâ„¢, Transformerâ„¢ power boosters. Some kids stand idly by and frequently need rescuing.
Nuts. 29. No free CD featuring Christina Aguilera for me.
Man, I feel like I’m just filling in a valuable page of the Internet here that could be better filled with Mudwrestling Mothers or Sweet Teens Who Read ‘Zines or something. Oh well, let’s just go to the disc quality part…
Video
Audio
Extras
Contract
Picture quality is pretty much exactly the same as it has been in the five previous installments of the Transformers Armada. Colours are fine, blacks are true and there’s no trouble with shadow detail, of course. No artefacts lurk about, which is good as this is 2D scanned digital animation without acetate cels. Some jitters in the frames occur, but these aren’t really disruptive, just visible.
Dialogue is clear, music is rehashed episode after episode so never gets the chance to sound crappier than it did in the first episode. It suits the show though and the target market don’t care. My neighbour’s kids think Tranformers™ is the single greatest achievement by humankind to date. At their age, I would have too I guess, except I was 13 when Transformers™ came around the first time and I thought they were pretty shithot then, so the kids dig it.
The New Transformers: Oldschool
There are still no extras foisted upon us, but the terminally old Transformers Armada™ Toy Commercial that begins each disc. Congratulations Hasbro™, you’ve done it again.
For anyone still reading, I sent out a request during the Transformers 04™ review for any ideas from readers on what I could discuss in these ongoing reviews of the metal warlords and do you know what? I didn’t receive a SINGLE LETTER!
So thanks, gentle reader. Saved me rabbiting on about bullshit for a page and a half.
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