Here we go again. Another three episodes delivering all the poorly scripted transforming robot action you can handle.

Not to say the show is bad, it’s just not aimed at nearly 33 year olds who watch too much DVD. Perhaps it’s aimed at some of the geekier guys my age, those with their Internet arm twice as large as the other. Those with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome™ and those with their Lord of the Rings™ forums and their comicbook conventions and posters of Xena™ above their beds. You know the guys I mean. Maybe them.

I know when I worked in an animation studio the guys in digital (that’s computers to the rest of us) would always be raving about old-school Transformers™ and how Optimus Prime™ was the best one. And about how he could so beat both Megatron™ and Star Scream™ with one arm welded behind his back. I noted those guys never talked about getting a girlfriend or about which Transformer™ looked the hottest. Maybe they did when I wasn’t around, I dunno. And that raises a good point. How come none of the Transformers™ are ladybots? That’d be pretty cool. I think I’d be more interested in the show if there were a sexy girl Autobot™ or a wicked femme fatale Decepticon™ prowling around. Even The Smurfs™ had Smurfette™.

I wonder what she’d turn into though? A big iron maybe, or a curling wand? A hair dryer or a blender or a sewing machine? Or other sexist stereotypes. Maybe if she turned into a vehicle she’d become a Soccer Mom People Mover™ or a Sporty City Hatchback™. And maybe I should stop doing that Trademark™ gag because it’s getting old.

Three episodes on this disc, as usual, and if anyone’s still reading, here they are:

• Episode One: Underground sees us go to New York to find a Miniconâ„¢ buried under the subway system. Unfortunately Megatronâ„¢ takes the kids hostage and only a previously unseen Transformerâ„¢ can save them!
• Episode Two: Ruin. The Transformersâ„¢ head into the deepest ocean and discover a history of the Miniconsâ„¢ on Earth as deities.
• Episode Three: Prehistory. For those who came in late, this is basically a flashback clip show filling in the story so far. There’s also some adventure on a volcanic island with an erupting volcano. On an island.

As usual the picture quality is superb with the 4:3 vision being free of major glitches. Unfortunately there are at least five film jitters in the last two episodes, in which the picture leaps down the screen a good inch or more for a frame or two. Plus, the flashback episode features some film artefacts that we haven’t previously suffered from in this crystal clear series. Perhaps it has something to do with the re-used footage? I dunno. Otherwise everything looks fine.

Soundwise we have a Dolby Digital stereo mix, which is the going rate for television programs and certainly one on this budget. Sound effects are all fine and whilst occasionally quite comical, aren’t anything spectacular. This also describes the music. Occasionally comical. It does the trick and suits the piece, but it’s a pretty cheap TV soundtrack – it gets reused throughout the series, rather than having each episode separately scored. It works okay and doesn’t annoy too greatly with repetition.

The New Transformers: Pentboy

As to extras, I’ll tell you what I told him: there’s nothing but a simple 30 second advertisement for the Transformers Armada™ toys. Shameless really. I wish we could give negative ratings for extras.

Four reviews in and I’m getting thin on stuff to talk about here, comical or otherwise. If you have any ideas or requests or even know if anyone’s still with me in doggedly reading each of these oh-so-similar reviews, please feel free to email me here at DVDnet. Better stick the word Transformers in the subject line, otherwise I’ll think it’s a porn catalogue and delete it.