I was innocent. I’d never even heard of this film. I had however, learned it was directed by John Woo, and so thought it had to be alright (even if Mission Impossible 2 was crap). So, I watched the trailer first. The first alarm went off right then when the voiceover of the 30 second trailer said ‘Rent it on video now!’ Still, it looked okay. Brainless action, sure, but okay.

Then the film started with no credits. Alarm two. There’s action and a bit of a stand off with some thugs by a couple of good-looking guys who say they’re FBI. They speak, the baddies panic and multiple shootings occur, with our FBI dudes unscathed, yet three or possibly four bad guys bleeding on the factory floor. Then, the third and final alarm went off as the titles came up in a flicker of reds and yellows, campy cop shots, clips from action bits and intro character smiling from his office desk with actor name beneath. Oh God, it’s a cop show pilot!

So big it needed two directors, Red Skies follows the unlikely story of an FBI splinter group who work as an elite unit called ‘The Enforcers’. These dudes work like the bad guys work, in separate factions and cells, capable of self-organisation and rogues to boot. Somebody please shoot me.

So, anyway, there’s this boat with a baddie on it (the mysterious Zhao Lo) who is smuggling humans from China (flavour of last month at screenwriter’s school). Also aboard are two agents from the Chinese Military Police who have been tracking him for five to ten years. One gets killed, the sexy female agent swears vengeance and then the FBI arrive and mistake her for the baddie. Now, she gets arrested, then released to work with the Enforcers until Zhao Lao is caught. And so on. The story finishes unconcluded and the sexy Chinese agent gets to stay in the US and work with the elite. Yawn.

Red Skies features all your favourite clichés, including; the rookie trying to do what’s right when the rest all work the system, the overweight muscle guy with a secret delicate side and the burned out serial killer chaser who wants to be more hands-on. There’s also the partner with two guns because his partner keeps shooting him (actually, the least contrived of them all) and the one boss to rule them all (who has a grudging respect for them all, but would never show it).

Plus of course, the motivated Chinese agent who doesn’t understand American capitalism, yet tries hard to get into it regardless.

Yep, it’s a good group.

The video stock this show (let’s not play their game) uses must have been run through a shit-thrower or something because it’s as grainy as all get out. Some shots look like they’ve been shot then zoomed in on and cut from that, that’s how grainy they are. So, it’s TV stock made for TV (albeit cable). So, they still deliver the 1.78:1 with enhancement though, which is a bit of a shock. And not that it makes much difference really, it’s still a TV show. The darks are heavy and depthless (like the characters) and while the blacks are true to life, they suffer a bit of grain too. Possibly corn (like the actors playing the characters).

Flesh tones are all okay, which is important with so many cast members of different coloured fleshes. Colour, on that point, is mostly okay, though there are an inordinate amount of browns and ochres and khakis in this, making the whole thing grittier (looking, at least) and more urban. There are some cheesy computer animated parts early on that are in the sea and are pretty bad, but thankfully they didn’t bother with anymore CG. Also, the wirework (flavour of this month at screenwriter’s school) is pretty dodgy. You can almost see the wires during the fight scenes and some of the improbable (plus physically impossible) kicks and such. Do they think we can’t see the wirework? No amount of digital erasing can remove the motion, even if the wires aren’t there. Oh well. Sadly, even the fact it is transferred by the masters at the Sony DVD Center can’t save it. It looks great DVD wise, but the original stock is the let down.

Sound-wise, this was the second surprise. Dolby Digital 5.1 surround is employed, though I should say rather needlessly as it sure doesn’t make the most of it. Some of the dialogue is muffled-sounding and hard to understand (and then when you rewind and repeat it you wished you hadn’t bothered). There are myriad gunshots and kicking sound effects straight from the stock bank as well, which is hardly unusual for TV shows. As to music, well, it’s radio hard rock and sounds clichéd in itself. And crap. Still, it is in Dolby 5.1, if that sways you.

Finally, the extras. These take the form of the aforementioned trailer that runs for 30 seconds and the same trailer in German. This was the pick, because it was funnier and also in the last frame it’s available on video and DVD! How’d the Germans get this on DVD and not us? I hate that!

This is a one-dollar weekly quality film that you will watch once (if that) before rushing it back to the store that very afternoon. This is how video stores make their money - on someone paying for a weekly, but only having it a day. It’s simple really. Diabolical even.

If you choose not to borrow it, however, you won’t miss a thing.

Oh, and one last thing - John Woo doesn't direct, he is one of the executive producers. Just so you know...