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  • Widescreen 1.85:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  • English: Dolby Digital Stereo
  • None
  • 2 Teaser trailer
  • Theatrical trailer
  • Audio commentary
  • Featurette
  • Animated menus

Baby Juice Express

Universal/Universal . R4 . COLOR . 86 mins . M15+ . PAL


Middle class lad Des (Nick Moran), who has gangster aspirations, is led by Frank O’Reilly (Phillip Davies) into all sorts of dodgy situations. Frank has Des boxing, not because Des can box, quite the opposite in fact. Frank puts bets on Des being knocked out – what a guy! During a fight where Des actually wins, Frank loses a substantial amount of dosh and they (well Frank) must come up with a scheme to get the money back.

"I would laugh but me ribs ‘urt!"

Through a series of Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch styled incidents, our two heroes end up with a multitude of bad guys after them. They still haven’t raised the dosh needed to pay off the bad guys yet, however, so Frank comes up with a cunning plan that just can’t fail – to kidnap the Baby Juice Express.

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and the odd one out is...

What is the Baby Juice Express? A crime kingpin is doing porridge in the slammer and while being banged up wants to bang up his misses. Apologies for the cockney lingo, but this film is full of it. What I am trying to say in English is that a crime boss is serving a sentence in jail and due to paranoia that his wealth will be claimed by the wrong people, he is desperate to sire an heir to his empire.

"Why are you talking like that, you’re not even a Cockney!"

To do this in his current circumstance he must put his required portion of the baby creation ingredients into a test tube and smuggle it out of the jail so his wife can be inseminated. This transportation is known as the Baby Juice Express. Once he fills the test tube, his helpers take it to his drivers, a couple of gay guys, who take it to the wife. I’m not quite sure why they are gay though, apart from one of them being Julian Clary looking butcher than he ever has.

The cunning plan is to kidnap the test tube and hold it for ransom. This means Des must pose as one of the gay guys during the handover. Once in their possession they will demand the money to pay back the bad guys, who happen to be the same ones they are demanding payment from. Confused yet? It all sounds a bit baffling, but it does make sense as it goes along. It is very silly and the story is a bit far fetched, but the humour makes it worth a watch. The simple fact that Joe Bugner is one of the stars will make most viewers wary, however in this type of film he is well suited and does a good job. No, I am not too scared to say otherwise, he really does play his part quite well!

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Did you just fill that? You wanker!

Director Michael Hurst and star Nick Moran co-wrote and co-produced this film and it shows. Moran has drawn from his role in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and created a film in the same genre. The two have also recruited many friends for cameo appearances in the film including Ray Parlour and David Seaman, both Arsenal and England soccer stars at the time, the latter recently leaving the Gunners. There are also a few other recognisable faces in this impressive cast.

All in all, this is no Lock, Stock but it isn’t bad. The comedy is reasonable and the acting is quite decent overall. The storyline is different to the norm and that is a good thing. Worth a rental if you like this genre.


The picture is presented in an aspect ratio of 1.85:1 and is 16:9 enhanced. Overall there are not too many problems with this transfer, apart from the usual suspects such as aliasing and lack of detail. For this type of film though they are never really an issue and should cause no problems for viewers. Colours are generally true and blacks are deep. Night scenes are well done with the only problem there being some lack of detail. Overall for a fairly low budget film, this does look quite good.


Audio is supplied in Dolby Digital stereo and for a dialogue driven film it’s more than adequate. Dialogue is clear throughout with no sign of any synch problems. There is very little in the way of directional effect or pumping music, so this audio track is great.


Included with this release are a couple of decent extras. When you first play the disc you get the teaser trailers for The Real Thing and Undercover Brother. It is great to have teaser trailers included, but why do distributors persist in putting these at the start of a disc? If they are placed as an extra on the menu most viewers will select them anyway, but putting them at the start only annoys viewers who fast forward through them. There is also a Theatrical Trailer available and thankfully that is selectable from the main menu. There is also a featurette entitled The Making of Baby Juice Express which runs for 19:10 and is made up of interviews and behind the scenes footage.

The cream of the crop of extras though is a nice audio commentary. This features Director Mike Hurst, star Nick Moran and music compiler John Stewart discussing all the ins and outs of making this film. The commentary is specifically made for the Australian release and they quickly assure the listener that the English release will be much more professional. The humour throughout is terrific and natural and for many it may be more enjoyable than the main feature.


Overall this is a light hearted comedy that’s a bit of a surprise packet. If you enjoyed Lock, Stock and Snatch then you should enjoy this. It is not necessarily of the same standard, but is still enjoyable.

  • LINK: http://www.dvd.net.au/review.cgi?review_id=2897
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      And I quote...
    "This film has a lot of spunk!"
    - Adrian Turvey
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