Just my luck to pick a “Carry On…� film devoid of the T&A, double entendres and the in-your-endo that made the series famous.

I want boobs, I want bums, I want jokes about giving people a jolly good rodgering, I want men climbing into the wrong bed in the middle of the night and women getting caught out by the hospital matron for fraternising with the male patients. I want Babs Windsor flashing her frilly knickers and needlessly bending over in tiny little dresses, I want Kenneth Williams exclaiming “Whaaaaaaaat?!� in that incredibly nasal voice, I want Sid James with the face like a boiled prune to crack jokes about his old bag and how he’s on the horn tonight.

Britain's front line of defence. It's amazing they won the war, really.

This “Carry On...� carries the distinction of being the first one off the factory floor. It was made far more tame than the following films, released beginning the next year. Actually, ‘tame’ isn’t the right word. It’s not the same style of humour at all really. It’s not risqué, it’s not lewd and it wants you to believe it has a heart of gold with a spritely spring in its step for dear old England and the war effort.

Funny? A little, not much, not nearly enough. Good story? Bah, more an excuse and a limp one at that. “Jolly good show chaps, do your best for England and the Sarge, will you now, righty oh, tut tut! Cor, I love my missus, why so sad Guv, ‘ere, we’ll cheer you up a right one where’s me lager!?!� Good? Wouldn’t bother me to not see it again.

Training for the old "smash your nuts on the enemy's neck" trick.

The story concerns a drill Sergeant training his final squad, and hoping to win a bet that he can make them the best in the Corps, or whatever they’re in. But, wouldn’t you know it, the squad are a bunch of misfit losers and no-hopers and haven’t a chance in the world of succeeding. But naturally they get over their problems, get the girl, cure their maladies and pull their fingers out in time for the Sarge to retire with a smile on his face and 50 quid in his pocket. That’s the British way.

Eh. I just wanted to see black and white boobs.

And black and white boobs I would have got if I picked any other film in the series, so the best I can say is that the black and white picture itself is generally very good and scrubs up a treat. Considering it was made back in ’58 you’d be a bit wary of problems or a slightly iffy picture, but the 1.66:1 non-anamophic image is very clear, with crisply rendered detail and brightly resplendent in lots and lots of shades of the good old fashioned greyness. Lovely stuff, what ho.

Ditto for the audio, which is an amazing DTS 5.1 mix. Not really, just seeing if you’re paying attention. It’s a two channel mono track only, it’s clear and largely free of anything annoying like hiss, pops and distortion, but carries a fair bit of sibilance to the dialogue. Otherwise it sounds just fine, really, very easy to listen to, and not a struggle to follow in the least.

Don't bother looking for bonus material, because there isn't any.