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Neighbours - The Music
Sony BMG/Sony BMG . R4 . COLOR . 36 mins . E . PAL

  Feature
Contract

Alright, I admit it. I was quite the dedicated little fan of Neighbours back in the ‘80s. After all, what better way to escape the workaday drudgery of my dreary suburban life than to immerse myself in the workaday drudgery of other peoples’ dreary suburban lives? But then I moved nearer the city and kind of grew out of it. Or grew up. or something.

Actually, a strange thing happened to me one time. For reasons I won’t go into I was in a big, red brick building which happened to be a place where many people involved in Neighbours happened to hang out with alarming regularity. Suddenly a vision in blue denim from head to toe approached me – then started stut-stut-stutter moaning about some terrible noise. It was Harold Bishop. In head-to-toe blue denim. And my friends wonder why I never wear the stuff…

But all this is beside the point, for I daresay nobody reading this cares about my brief brush with soapie stardom, rather this double disc one’s a DVD, one’s a CD collection thingy designed to satiate the many requests by fans of the show to be able to get a hold of its associated music/desperate cash-in to get people to buy something they’ll never play, and probably tuck to the back of their collection so nobody will see how daggy they really are or try to flog it at Cash Converters next week (delete as applicable).

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Who'd have thought she'd become a sex symbol?

We’re a DVD review site, so you can pop down to the 'extras' paragraph to learn more about the CD. As for the DVD, it offers up video clips from many old and new Ramsay Street inhabitants from over the years, who generally hoped to use Neighbours as a springboard for massively successful music careers. So far the score is one victory, although admittedly a couple of prospects with a halfway decent chance haven’t had long enough to prove any longevity as yet. Oh, Angry Anderson of Rose Tattoo infamy is also here.

Kiss Kiss (Wise Buddah Mix): Holly Valance
It’s a modern clip, hence plenty of scantily clad writhing about for a cover of a song which was big in Turkey in its original, pre-Holly form, apparently. And why’s she named after a piece of bed linen?

Born to Try: Delta Goodrem
Apparently signed to a music deal before telly came a beckoning, this song is way too schmaltzy and yawny for an 18 year old to be crooning. Still, she wrote it herself – so respect for that.

Locomotion: Kylie Minogue
The clip which launched a juggernaut, despite Ms Minogue’s bogan Kylie phase being in full effect. Also doubled as an ad for Impulse body spray just in case it tanked as a single…

He Don’t Love You: Human Nature
And if you play him this crap it’s little wonder. Seemingly featured as Ms Valance appears in it, Du Jour did this kind of thang ever so much better…

Too Many Broken Hearts: Jason Donovan
Poor Jase – despite the many twiddly talents of Stock, Aitken and Wateringcan behind him, he never quite cut it. Wandering aimlessly around the country pretending to play guitar when there isn’t a single non-synthesised squeak in the song probably didn’t help in the credibility stakes…

Mona: Craig McLachlan and Check 1-2
Plod, plod, plod. Ha, ha, ha… Next – please?!

Don’t it Make You Feel Good: Stefan Dennis
No honey, it don’t. Seeing Paul in a leather jacket is wrong, as is the song, decent enough musically in a late ‘80s sort of way until somebody opens their yap and ruins everything. Laughable in the extreme.

Mad if You Don’t: Gayle & Gillian Blakeney
“What will we be singing in the ‘80s?” they once asked. Certainly not this dirge – for many reasons, including the fact that it apparently only emerged in 1997. Now that’s capitalising on a situation…

Suddenly: Angry Anderson
Scott and Charlene’s song – aww! See, even well hard, big-drinking, tattooed heavy rockers have a squooshy side…

Especially For You: Kyles & Jase
Oh no, they keep missing each other – will they ever get together? Well, yes and no…

Nessun Dorma: Bouncer
Everybody’s favourite canine does Pavarotti – which would be superb stuff if I hadn’t just made it up.

  Video
  Audio
  Extras
Contract

You know the drill, the few new clips look great, the ones from the ‘80s don’t, most of them featuring varying amounts of grain and the odd speckle or three, with Especially For You looking particularly bad – unless, of course, Kyles was meant to look like Kermit the Frog at times.

Audio is just good old faithful Dolby Digital stereo, but to the credit of the disc’s producers it all appears to have been re-dubbed, rather than using the lousy old video clip sound.

Now to that CD thingy. A selection of nine rather naff songs created especially for the show is included, plus some surprisingly good tracks from the likes of Something For Kate and the fabulous Stella One Eleven. Oh, chart fodder such as Human Nature (again!), Selwyn, Leah Haywood, Delta (again part two) and Endorphin is also here. Sadly the theme isn’t the classic Borry Cracker one though, rather some newer trying-to-be-soulful waily thing. Oh well, I guess the kids wouldn’t know a Mr Crocker if they tripped over one anyway – unless they rush home from school to watch the repeats…

Neighbours – The Music is one for the unbelievably tolerant diehard fans, or those who realise that one day this just may be a classic collectible example of daggy pop culture ephemera. Just be thankful Madge never tried her hand at music.


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  •   And I quote...
    "One for the unbelievably tolerant diehard fans…"
    - Amy Flower
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