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  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 2.35:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  Subtitles
    English - Hearing Impaired
  Extras
  • Theatrical trailer
Bones
Roadshow Entertainment/Roadshow Entertainment . R4 . COLOR . 92 mins . MA15+ . PAL

  Feature
Contract

In the '70s, Jimmy Bones was the respected and undisputed protector of his 'hood - that is, until he was betrayed by his number one and murdered by nasty bad lieutenant Lupovich. Now, 22 years later, Bones' derelict crib has just been sold to a group of unwary teenagers, bent on turning it into the hottest nightclub in the ghetto. Sure enough, this fresh meat awakens the eternally pissed-off corpse of Jimmy Bones, who then proceeds to systematically chow down on those that done him wrong.

Somewhere along the line, Bones turned from a promising gothic horror concept into an unintentional lampoon. The story sets itself up well with a decent haunted house premise, but once the sporadic back-story begins to kick in the whole thing begins to fall apart at the seams. Imagine, if you will, a collection of B-grade actors (of which Snoop is unequivocally the star) playing '70s pimp dress-ups and meandering about with an apparent lack of script or any tangible bearing of the tale they are supposed to be telling. Critical plot points are not so much hidden inside this back-story but just so unnecessary in the scheme of things that they would have been better entirely left out or at the very least, excessively trimmed.

All this is not to imply that the rest of Bones is gold once you trim the fat. On the contrary, unless you like your films hammier than 12 cans of Spam, this will probably leave a taste in your mouth the bad side of pungent. In terms of horror, there is precious little in Bones that could constitute as a scare. It's all been done before, and often, far more effectively. Although he has proven that he actually can act (Baby Boy, Training Day), at least by dictionary definition, Snoop spends most of his time on screen just playing himself. Still, he manages to conjure enough presence for Jimmy Bones during the process. It's just that when you base your story around a pimp, you're treading a dangerous line that, more often than not, ends up in company with such atrocities as Dolemite. But hell, at least Dolemite was so bad that it was funny.

Even the admirable nods to the Italian masters, particularly Dario Argento, are an all too fleeting comfort in this largely unsatisfying feature. In fact, all these clever references achieve (from the 'pink' blood to the maggot scene) is a sharp reminder that you're watching something inferior. Something that can't conjure enough decent chills of its own so it has to borrow from others.

  Video
  Audio
  Extras
Contract

As generally expected, Roadshow have delivered an excellent video transfer for Bones. Although much of the film is very dark, there are remarkably few problems with noise or shadow detail. The level of sharpness is generally excellent, although colours are a bit harder to gauge since most of the film has a very cold look to it. Despite some very minor film artefacts, this transfer should satisfy even the most particular DVD user.

Where we get a good video transfer, we also get a very decent Dolby Digital 5.1 mix to compliment it. The mix is quite immersive for the most part, with some nice surround effects and a decent bass presence, especially in the 'spooky' parts of the film. There are no problems with dialogue, except that most of it is painfully corny.

The only special feature available here is the film's original theatrical trailer, which is a damn sight less than the region 1 'Platinum Edition'.

While Bones isn't a complete dog, you'll be hard pressed to get much of a scare out of it... or much of anything else for that matter. Strictly speaking, if you're not a fan of Snoop Dogg, who, as previously mentioned, is the best thing about this movie, then there isn't much else here to enjoy.


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  •   And I quote...
    "...will probably leave a taste in your mouth the bad side of pungent."
    - Ben Pollock
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Omni SL-P2000KD
    • TV:
          Palsonic 71cm
    • Speakers:
          Teac PLS-60 Home Theatre System
    • Centre Speaker:
          Teac PLS-60 Home Theatre System
    • Surrounds:
          Teac PLS-60 Home Theatre System
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard RCA
    • Video Cables:
          standard s-video
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