Our Lips Are Sealed

The girls are back with their new adventure down under, where they visit and commercialise Australia... oh, sorry, after watching this film it is Aorstrowlia. So far this reviewer has seen films about twin girls matchmaking with their single dad, and a beautiful adventure in the Bahamas, and now they come home (well to DVDnet’s home). The first was passable, the second was entertaining, and this third disc is preposterous and ridiculous, but still the winner out of the three.

The humour in this film is sharp, stupid, childish and best of all, funny. It's good to see something corny, light and humorous come out that aims at a young audience, and proves to be just what they want for a slumber party or make-over night.

"...I’m going to go Titanic on you and throw the diamond into the ocean..."

There are a few interesting facts about this movie, some annoying and others intriguing. OK, firstly everyone should know Qantas, and if you’ve watched Wheel of Fortune or any of those sorts of game shows recently you will be familiar with the stock footage of the Qantas 747 floating over Sydney Harbour. Well, Our Lips Are Sealed actually uses this footage as part of the film (I know, how sad), and it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Luna Park on Sydney Harbour used to be home to the Big Dipper, or a giant yellow steel rollercoaster. This rollercoaster was moved to Dreamworld on the Gold Coast in 2001, opening there on December 26 2001 tagged as the "Cyclone". The girls, as well as two of their surfie boys, one played by Ryan Clark from Home and Away, venture to Luna Park and ride this coaster, one of the best steel corkscrew examples in the southern hemisphere - well it’s the highest gravity rollercoaster anyway - and a slick kickass ride. And yes, this reviewer is a rollercoaster nut if you haven’t already guessed...

- "Honey, I have a licence to kill." - "I have a Learner's permit"

Now we move onto the fun poked at The Blair Witch Project. This film had a particular style, which is totally mocked and abused in this film. After paranoia sets in when they think they are being stalked, stick figures start appearing here and there with black and white footage. Amusing, corny and cruddy, but still offering plenty of giggles.

In this adventure, we follow Mary-Kate and Ashley as they are taken into the FBI Protection Program after they witness the theft of the Kneel Diamond. Yes, I get the pun too. After blowing their cover in location after location they are sent to the last place on Earth, Australia, filled with scrawny bikini-clad young girls, well young ladies anyway. But their cover is blown and they are still on the run in Australia, so it is up to them to fix up friendships, relationships, their own lives and have some fun while they’re at it too! But they really do take the piss out of Australians... a tad sad, and do we really talk like that?

This video transfer is presented in the full frame aspect of 1.33:1, and is one of those beloved NTSC transfers. Even when you take away the NTSC-related issues, this transfer still doesn’t stand up too well. Many of the problematic parts could have been fixed, but hey, for the target audience it doesn’t really matter - it looks better than VHS.

Colours are bright and luminescent, yet are overly gacky and scream those four letters, N-T-S-C. The colours aren't necessarily bleeding, but their oversaturated appearance does tend to make them appear slightly blurry. This then affects the clarity of the image, and the detail isn’t always as nice as it could be. Film artefacts are quite disgusting, and are irritating to watch. The opening sequence is made up of an old FBI tape (well, it’s meant to be anyway), and is riddled with film grain, artefacts and scratches, all of varying degrees, but this is fully intentional. However, this is no excuse for the remainder of the film. Film grain is the second biggest issue with some fairly major cases, again with annoying consequences. Now when these two issues are combined, some minor and minute compression-related artefacts on the finer details can be seen, but are only annoying to the picky reviewer. Film scratches rip through the image here and there, and are really noticeable. Aliasing comes and goes, but isn’t terribly persistent, and some slight video noise can be seen here and there throughout the film.

So what isn’t wrong with this transfer? Hmm, not much sadly, and this transfer really lacks, especially in comparison to the two other Olsen Twins DVDs already reviewed. Subtitles are clear and easy to read, as well as highly accurate, with language options in English, French and Spanish. And that is the best part of it...

The audio tracks are available in English, French and Spanish, and are all in the Dolby Digital 2.0 format. English is the native language of the film, well traditional Austrowlian for some part (according to non-Austrowlians), and is the prime listening option for the film. Dialogue is clear throughout the film, and the audio synch is spot on all the way through. There is very little in the way of stereo effects, with the sound coming evenly from the left and right channels. Bass levels are reasonable, but nothing wonderful or amazing. The soundtrack is filled with rock-pop songs such as a grunge version of Nena’s 99 Red Balloons, even though Nena’s original-original version of 99 Luftballons can never be beaten!

The full frame menus are not animated, and feature some quasi-Austrowlian music in the background. The cast and crew section is a single page of basic cast and crew listings, and then pages and pages of films that the Olsen twins have been involved in. The introduction by Mary-Kate and Ashley is a 52-second introduction for the film. Yahoo, overly-scripted and quite insincere – just what we all need! However, this should be the first DVD release, according to the girls anyway, but is not, and surprisingly, this out-dated DVD release has more features than the other two discs that this reviewer has seen. The 8:01 behind the scenes featurette is your usual brief promotional-style documentary, featuring interviews and production footage. The 5:21 bridewalk featurette is a video where we can watch the girls and the surfie guys climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge - advertising and product placement. The commentary is a fright to see listed on the extras page, and is a feature-length commentary by the girls. Yes, you thought right, it’s time to run for the hills! This commentary details what is happening in the film (as if we are too stupid to figure it out) and is quite tedious to listen to, but of course it will be appropriate for fans of the girls... The 6:16 look at the film fashion is just like on the Holiday in the Sun DVD, and is great for fans of fashion who can actually understand what all these different names for a shirt mean. It just goes along and explains the girls' choices behind their clothing for key sequences in the film. There are also some trailers including a 56-second one for Our Lips are Sealed, and also a 1:09 look at the Mary-Kate and Ashley Video Catalogue.

If you're a fan, go for it, as you’ll love this adventure in Australia, but for the remainder of the public this disc does little than inspire usage as a coaster. But hey, it could be much worse – it's at least mindless fluff that is a good chill out flick to watch when you have nothing better to do. The video transfer is quite disappointing, and the audio is suitable but nothing amazing. The extra features are welcome, vague and simplistic, but for fans of fashion and the like will be great. One for the kids if you don’t mind them watching these girls, and an easy way to keep them amused for over three hours.