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  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Widescreen 1.78:1
  • 16:9 Enhanced
  • Dual Layer (RSDL )
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  • English: Dolby Digital Surround
  Subtitles
  • None
  Extras
  • Deleted scenes
  • Theatrical trailer
  • Audio commentary - Director Abdul Malick Abbott
  • Behind the scenes footage
State Property (Rental)
Universal/Universal . R4 . COLOR . 84 mins . R . PAL

  Feature
Contract

Should I be surprised that this film is rubbish? The director’s previous credits peak at a $5000 music video, and there’s also a list of various production jobs to his name. Boom operator, sound mixer, sound recordist (second unit), second boom operator. Huh? Someone thought that he showed such amazing talent in the way he held the boom that they would let him direct an actual film?

It’s a good thing that State Property is a low budget production then. In fact, it looks like the first ever film shot on a budget of Coles shopper dockets. “Hey, we need a camera”, “Okay, I’ve got a docket for rent a camera for one day, get one day free, here!”

Listen to the director’s commentary, and as he painfully points out where budgetary constraints show up in the film, you almost feel sorry for him. I said almost.

But big budget or small budget, there’s just no forgiving that he has not been able to give the film any sense of individual style, realism or a life of its own. He borrows and steals and rips-off from other (much better) films with reckless abandon, hoping that it will all tie-up into one nice neat coherent product. It doesn’t. He thinks that he’s paying homage to the other films. He’s not, he’s insulting them.

And the film even makes a claim to self-importance by stating at the beginning that it was “inspired by true events”. So? Does that give it an air of respectability? Does that forgive all its sins? The events that occur are so lame, so truncated, so “so-what?” that you have to wonder why they couldn’t have found a better subject.

But we can’t shoot just the director. That would be wrong and just plain nasty. Equal (if not greater) share of the blame must go to the cast of wannabe talentless nobodies that populate it like flies on a week old bloated cadaver. Everyone thinks they’re this ultimate cool character with super attitude to spare and their lines are just extensions of themselves. They open their mouths and out spews this dribble of profanity and remedial level English that would make a nine year old embarrassed. It just made me want to smack seven shades of shit out of everyone who had a speaking part in this film. Idiots. Absolutely pathetic f*cking idiots, the whole shameful lot of them.

There are so many puerile performances that I just don’t know where to begin. Maybe the person called Pain in da Ass will do? That’s his real name, not his character name. Oh, sure, he was probably born Eugene Trotsky or something like that, and thought that Pain in da Ass would be a cool rapper name, but it sums up where this film is coming from, and frankly, what it does to you. Pain in da Ass, indeed.

The actual story, should you still be so interested in such trivialities, concerns the rise and fall of Beans. Not Baked Beans, not Beans on Toast. Just plain Beans. Yes, his name is Beans. Not a good start, is it? Well, Beans is sick of being poor, what with having a wife and child to support and no job. So, instead of getting his lazy fat arse off the bar stool at the local strip club and getting a job, he decides to take over the drug business in his city. He gathers a crew of similarly stupidly named individuals, they shoot some people, threaten some people, and voila! Ten minutes later Beans is the top dog and running the show. Big house, flashy cars, lesbians, pinky rings, champagne enemas, he’s got it all. Then there’s a bit showing his downfall, but after the first scenes you knew this was coming, and you simply don’t care anyway.

You might think I’m exaggerating, but I’m not. This really is a sad little film - you’ll understand better if you do a little research into the people associated with it. Most seem to be a part of a record label which is branching out into clothing and film. Nearly all the actors wear their label, Roc-A-Wear, so this could be seen as an extended advertisement for their product line. But even that’s no excuse for inflicting this insulting mess on us.

May everyone involved in this film be struck down by a bolt of lightning.

  Video
  Audio
  Extras
Contract

Ah, the wonderful technological advances man has made down through the ages, all so that we humble home based consumers may watch our treasured visual entertainment in crystal clear high quality DVD. And then comes along this DVD, which manages to make VHS look good. Did I put a video cassette on instead of a DVD? Have I accidentally used a composite connection instead of S-Video? Am I watching television? No, I’m watching the DVD, I’m using an S-Video connection and I’m definitely not watching television (no station in their right mind would show this crap). So why then does it look like this was taken from video tape? It’s shocking quality at times, with very poor detail, often very bad focus, lifeless colours, bleeding reds and non-existent shadow detail. If you didn’t think the budget was low before, you will believe it after you see the quality of what they’ve filmed. The transfer obviously had crap to work with and maybe they did the best they could, but who cares when the result is so bad? This provides only marginal improvement over a video tape at best, but at least with video you can record an episode of The Simpsons over the top.

It was the audio that I dreaded having to write about. The culprit is the quality of the dialogue, of which there is far too much. It is simply shocking. Much of the blame must go to the actors, and some must go to the recording. The actors’ speech is at times so slurred and fast that a whole sentence can slip by without me understanding any of it at all. They drop letters all over the place, they run words into each other, they simply should never be allowed to open their mouths again. Then when you can understand what they’re saying, sometimes the audio from the centre channel is too muddy to make it pleasant to listen to, so by the end you’re just sick and tired of all the utter bullshit they’ve been mouthing off for the last 90 minutes that you couldn’t give a shit what was an inherent flaw in the recording, what was bad transfer or what was simply a need for speech therapy. Everything else, whether you even care after this point, is okay at best, with a bit of surround activity, some okayish bite on the gunplay and the soundtrack, but nothing special to be proud of. Sometimes it sounds a little anaemic or mid-rangey, but I’m just glad I never have to listen to this crap ever again.

God, I wish this disc didn’t have extras. Even the little on here is too much after watching this dreck.

There’s a trailer which should alert you to the pain that’s to come, Deleted Scenes (9:26) which are strung together and just extend your pain, and a useless Behind The Scenes featurette (15:04).

If you’re a complete fool, you’ll listen to the Director’s Commentary from Abdul Malick Abbott. Listen to his comments and you can plainly see where his vision was coming from and why so much of it is so f*cked up. Most interesting fact: they couldn’t afford to buy the rights to use “Happy Birthday” in a scene for a kid’s birthday.


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  •   And I quote...
    "May everyone involved in this film be struck down by a bolt of lightning."
    - Vince Carrozza
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Sony DVP-525
    • TV:
          Sony 68cm
    • Receiver:
          Sony STR-DB1070
    • Speakers:
          Wharfedale s500
    • Centre Speaker:
          Polk Audio CS245
    • Surrounds:
          Wharfedale WH-2
    • Subwoofer:
          DB Dynamics TITAN
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard Optical
    • Video Cables:
          standard s-video
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