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Road to Nashville
Umbrella Entertainment/AV Channel . R4 . COLOR . 109 mins . G . PAL

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I am still in a state of disbelief some 20 minutes after watching The Road to Nashville, which is without doubt about the worst thing I have ever had the misfortune to clap eyes and ears on. This film is an absolute travesty, and an insult to everything that was ever respectful about country and western music and filmmaking in general.

The premise was simple; to gather as many country and western stars of the day (1966) as possible, and find any old idea to link them together. In this case they have cast ex-Spike Jones Band member, Winstead "Doodles" Weaver (uncle of Sigourney Weaver), as Colonel Beetlebomb, an inept movie producer’s assistant, who is charged with flying to Nashville to sign the big stars to a movie deal. The film is 109 minutes of songs punctuated by this completely talentless and unfunny git talking to, watching and auditioning performers as they run through a number or two.

That’s all there is to it. The guy struggles to sign the acts and make his boss back in Hollywood happy, and so we are ‘treated’ to over 30 songs from the likes of Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, Hank Snow, Kitty Wells, The Carter Family, Marty Robbins and Bill Anderson. They all make much better musicians than they do actors and entertainers. A bigger bunch of wooden performers and dorks you will struggle to find. And some of them sing like crap, too. Even fans of country and western will find themselves cringing at some of the acts.

All the while, we are treated to the cross-eyed, torturous facial contortions and goofy antics of Weaver, who is so annoying that I have actually constructed a voodoo doll and taken great delight in ramming the pins into it. This guy has to be seen to be believed. How he got this gig, I will never know.

There is little to be said in favour of this film, and I struggle to find the words to describe how I felt while watching it. I thought it might just be me, so I asked my country and western lovin’ folks to watch it and let me know what they thought. They threatened to set their dogs on me...

How crap like this ever gets a release at all is beyond my understanding. How it ever got a DVD release is even more astounding. I cannot believe, even for a minute, that there is anyone out there who would have been awaiting this release, but if there was, then I would suggest they are not responsible for reasons of temporary insanity.

My advice to all country and western fans; stick to your records and CDs and leave this DVD well alone for there is nothing significant about any of the performances, and the film itself is an absolute pile of horseshit.

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The audio and video quality delightfully matches the content. It’s awful. The most noticeable thing about this full frame presentation is the numerous and sizable film artefacts. No effort whatsoever has been made to remove streaks, marks, flecks, holes, dirt, scratches, lines and blobs. The colouring is wildly all over the place, from washed out to pretty ordinary. The image is quite soft, and shadow detail is poor. There are a few jumps and complete colour changes that struggle to get back to anything near natural. There is a lot of grain, and enough wobbly camera action to induce nausea.

I do not recall a layer change, although admittedly I was struggling to pay much attention after about the first 30 minutes, but the cover says it is a single layer disc, so there probably wasn’t one. Then again, the cover states this torture lasts 88 minutes when in fact it's 109 minutes, so who knows what to believe?

Oh boy. The cover boldly boasts a Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack, and while there is one here, it is a complete waste of time. Taking an original mono recording and pushing it out in six directions does not a 5.1 mix make. It is hollow, thin and lacks depth and clarity. There is nothing for the subwoofer, and the rears are reserved mostly for loud hissing, or maybe the hissing was coming from my flatmate – no, it seems it really was the soundtrack. The only actual sounds from the rear speakers are some specially dubbed sound effects such as footsteps as someone walks to the left or right of screen, and they sound utterly out of place. There is a slight advantage in turning off all extra channels and forcing the audio to stereo (or better still, mono), as it sounds a little less hollow. Nothing, however, can disguise the fact that this is an atrocious audio.

In keeping with the lame theme, the extras are likewise rubbish. You can View Trailer, but I suggest you don’t. Or you can see some Umbrella Propaganda. being trailers for Joe Cocker - Live, Gordon Lightfoot Live, Johnny Cash – An Anthology of the Man in Black and Max Merritt – Live.

I won’t repeat myself, other than to say this release has no redeeming features and should be avoided at all costs.


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  •   And I quote...
    "The Road to Nashville contains bland performances by more than 20 of the biggest names in country and western music, and is an absolute waste of plastic…"
    - Terry Kemp
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Akai
    • TV:
          TEAC CT-F803 80cm Super Flat Screen
    • Receiver:
          Pioneer VSX-D409
    • Speakers:
          Wellings
    • Centre Speaker:
          Wellings
    • Surrounds:
          Wellings
    • Subwoofer:
          Sherwood SP 210W
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard RCA
    • Video Cables:
          standard s-video
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