Some confessions if you will permit. I am not a fan of '70s prog rock (or any other decade for that matter). It's usually just a bunch of overly talented and under-stimulated session musicians enjoying some mutual musical masturbation. Neither am I a fan of Yes and I knew very little about them, but that was partly the reason for volunteering to review Yes: Live in Philadelphia 1979. Be thankful that I have completed this chore for you, and will therefore save you almost 50 minutes of your life that you would never otherwise get back.

Yes were typically '70s really, and no doubt were talented musicians, including vocalist Jon Anderson (of Jon and Vangelis fame - remember I'll Find My Way Home?), and keyboard whiz Rick Wakeman who had several successful solo albums. The songs were typically prog rock (that's progressive rock to the uninitiated) and symbolised by lengthy solos, mystical and nonsensical lyrics, and songs that lasted so long it meant that bands could only squeeze about six of them onto a 33 1/3 long player (ask your parents). The advantage of this for the band was that they only had to write six songs, which in some cases was a blessing.

In 1979, according to fans and most critics, Yes were at their musical and commercial peak. The in-fighting that saw them implode not long after this show (only to reform again and again with varying lineups) had been missing, they were producing great songs and successful albums (apparently), were playing in large arenas, and were actually enjoying being in Yes. History shows that this period of harmony wasn't to last.

This show, recorded on analog videotape, may have captured the band in fine form or playing like crap. It's hard to know. I am not familiar with the mini-epics they call songs, and the audio and video quality is so bad that it is impossible to know who was playing what and when, or how Jon Anderson was sounding. See below for more details.

The DVD lasts a tad under 50 minutes and features a complete blackout after each epic, so this has been heavily edited (thankfully). I suspected within the first 60 seconds that this was going to be a nightmare. Never before have I been so right!

Not being able to judge whether or not the band were any good is what's bothering me as I write this. Sure there are some lengthy solos and plenty of singing, but the sound quality hinders an unbiased judgement. The camera work is shocking, the camera angles are not thought out, there are issues with focus, and virtually no direction from the supposed musical director.

It has to be said that capturing live sound for DVD is only a new (and still tricky) phenomenon and, certainly, in 1979 it was not a consideration, but I cannot see any reason why a DVD like this needs to be released. Hardened fans will be bitterly disappointed, casual fans will be annoyed that they paid good money for this, while the rest of us will shake our heads and wonder what DVD is coming to.

It is pointless going on. Suffice it to say that you now can buy this at your own peril. It is not worth the plastic it is made from, will challenge anyone who does buy it to watch the whole thing, even at just 50 minutes, and will not win Yes any new fans. At a time when there are plenty of good quality performances from more popular bands screaming for a DVD release, it seems rather crazy to release a title of this "quality".

My best friend's life motto is; It's hard to be positive when there is nothing to be positive about. For years I have questioned his lack of enthusiasm. Today, we have bonded. Yes: Live in Philadelphia 1979 is presented in an aspect ratio of 1.78:1 and is 16:9 enhanced. It is also another of those dreadful NTSC releases so you'll need compatible hardware.

Being filmed on analog videotape, much of it is incredibly soft and lacking detail. Some long shots are little more than blobs of colour moving on the screen, and the rest must be what goldfish see when they watch us from their watery world. Colours are all over the place and often washed out. Black levels are more green than black and shadow detail is appalling. Do you need more convincing? OK then, how about this?

There are issues with colour bleeding, chroma noise, focus is all over the place (though this is not a fault of the transfer), and skin tones are, well, who knows. It's just bad, OK? That's all you really need to know. There are no subtitles (which is a shame as this might have made good reading at least) and no layer change. Oh, the print is quite clean and there are few artefacts to contend with, I suppose that's something.

Are you expecting cracking audio then to compensate? Bzzt! Wrong. This is without doubt the worst audio I have ever heard from DVD. The only option is what I am calling Dolby Digital 5.1 mono. The show sounds like it was recorded on someone's cassette Walkman and is thin, weedy, and gutless. If it were an MP3 you had downloaded from the 'net, you'd trash it.

There is no bass depth whatsoever. The drums sound like they were recorded in the arena's car park, there is no clarity or separation for any instrument or vocal, and some instruments cannot be heard at all, even in isolation. The track The Ancient features just Anderson and an acoustic guitar and the guitar is nowhere to be heard.

The rear channels are barely audible, and they fluctuate in volume, constantly. This is most distracting. There is no signal from the subwoofer, and the vocals are muddy, lack clarity and sound dreadful. If you want to know what this sounds like, try listening to your favourite CD or DVD with a tin bucket on your head. Just remember to remove the bucket after the simulation though or all CDs and DVDs will sound like this forever.

Interestingly, playing this through a small mono television speaker actually improved the quality of the audio - but only just.

Extras-wise, well there is a short 2:31 review from journalist Chris Welch, who clearly watched a different DVD to the one I did. While he fails to comment on the quality of the show, he is in raptures about the performance. I think he should stick to what he normally writes about - whatever that is.

There is also an audio commentary, but unless you are a complete glutton for punishment there's no way you'd watch this show twice. The commentary is also in Dolby Digital 5.1 mono and again presented by Chris Welch. He details the history of the band, a critique of the band, as well as this particular show, but all with frequent and increasingly longer pauses. There is no mention of the technical presentation of the disc. He sounds like a fan, but I can't decide if that's a good thing or bad. He certainly doesn't make the thing any easier to sit through.

Overall, this DVD is a waste of our time and possibly your money. Fortunately, as a review copy, I was spared the indignity of having to pay to watch this. I would not even give this away to a friend (unless I wanted them out of my life forever), and I am reluctant to even use it as beer coaster lest it should seep through the glass and wreck the taste of the beer. Yes fans are probably already baying for my blood. In fact I can hear the sabre rattling from here, but if you are thinking of purchasing this do yourself a favour and try to rent it first. I'm sure you will thank me…