Clash of the Titans

You've gotta love those crazy Greeks! They certainly knew how to cook up some wild and crazy stories. They populated their culture with all kinds of tales about weirdos with names like Perseus, Cheesius, Calibos, Pasta Alfredoicus and Con. Their biggest fan over the years must have been Ray Harryhausen, for he based practically his entire career around animating their various mythological beasts and whatnots in a frenzy of clay and plasticine which brought the magic of the Greeks to our television sets.

For this epic story, Harryhausen went totally batshit. Greek God Zeus (Laurence Olivier) is pissed at someone for some reason, so he wipes out his city. One of Zeus's posse is pissed at Zeus for something he did to her son or something, and then Zeus’s son who’s a lawyer on LA Law is in trouble or something and has to save another young babe from a monster while wiping out all manner of jerky beasts and finding a flying horse.

Like I said, those crazy Greeks!

But enough of the in-depth analysis already, let’s take a closer look at some of the beasts featured in this film, where you might find them in real life today, and how to deal with them should you cross paths one day.

Name: Dioskilos the big, two headed killer dog
Found: Sunshine/Footscray
How to deal with it: It’s just a big vicious dog with two heads. So what? It has two heads. It’s not like the second head can shoot bees out of its mouth when it barks or anything. Hit it with a rolled up newspaper. Or point out a small child it can attack instead.

Name: Pegasus, the flying horse
Found: Flemington
How to deal with it: It’s a horse with wings. Throw a saddle on it, enter the Melbourne Cup and watch the money roll in. You might want to keep it grounded during duck season, some of those guys will shoot anything with wings.

Name: Medusa, the ugly chick
Found: HEAT nightclub
How to deal with it: A woman with snakes for hair (a bit like my wife in the morning). If you look at her directly (Medusa that is, although some people might say that applies to my wife as well), you turn to stone and die. Actually, this one isn’t so tough. Just don’t look at her. Every guy knows that if you don’t look at a woman she eventually goes away and bothers someone else.

Name: Some REALLY big scorpions. Let’s call them Megascorpicus
Found: In really big hiking boots
How to deal with them: These are pretty bloody scary to be honest. Dunno. Run away, maybe? Who said you have to fight everything, anyway? This is why Greece isn’t a world power today, and they don’t even have a good soccer team.

Name: Kraken
Found: Perving at topless bathers or in Zeus’s fish tank
How to deal with it: This thing is a massive underwater seathing kind of thingy. It sort of looks like a Klingon, but two hundred feet tall and with four arms. At this point I’d pretty much decide to let them sacrifice whoever they wanted to it and maybe go have a nice lunch instead. If you must do battle with it, try reasoning with it while imitating Captain Kirk.

Kraken: BROARAAAGHAARAAAAAA...!
Capt. Kirk: Kraken! I can’t let... you! Get away. With this. Madness! Why can't. We... just learn to. Get along?
Kraken: BROOGRAAaaa... Err, okay.

All up, a nasty bunch indeed, but no match for kids brought up in the public school system. At least in Clash of the Titans they’ve cooked up some zany adventures, and Harryhausen and a bunch of cardboard actors have done a fair job of bringing it to life. Unfortunately, as you’ll soon read below, this DVD comes to us with one horrible beast onboard which is even more terrifying than anything the Greeks could invent – NTSCicus!

Right away, I’m going to knock off two points for being a stupid lazy NTSC DVD, because the last time I looked Australia was still home to the PAL system.

As for the actual quality itself, like King Kong Lives, this is another example of how the sharpness of DVD can be harsh on effects, which may have been good in their day or when viewed on VHS, but are sub-par today. Not to take anything away from Harryhausen’s work, which has a charm all of its own and you can count me as a fan, but to eyes which have spent far too much time focussed on cutting edge CG, the jerky stop animation and dodgy green screen effects stand out like dog’s balls. It doesn’t help any that the picture is often very grainy, with many scenes a virtual snowstorm of grit, but it is also coupled with edge enhancement that you just can’t ignore and a lot of little specks on the print.

It's not all bad, there are many nice moments when the 1.78:1, 16:9 enhanced picture offers up a glimpse of what might have been with a little more love shown, but when the shitty bits kick back in the effect is ruined again. For me the overall result was tarnished by the NTSC jerkiness anyway, but you may not notice it so much.

Keep in mind that the film comes from 1981, long before the modern trend for super adventurous and complex sound design, and the experience comes off feeling dated but reasonably satisfying. Presented in DD2.0 with surround, it sounds a little dull at times, with some dialogue coming off a little harsh, but it’s mostly okay. The forward soundstage is a bit of a non-event, tending to be a little collapsed towards the centre for much of the time. It has some nice moments with the surrounds, one which made me jump with a bit of a scare coming from the rear speakers. A few more of those type of moments would have boosted the score, but it’s really not too bad overall.

A Conversation with Ray Harryhausen
Ray yaks on for 12 minutes about his youth and inspirations, the story of this film, the cast, the trotting around Europe to shoot at the various locations, the score and the legacy he has left behind for his fans (which includes many directors). Although he covers a lot of turf in 12 minutes, it’s all very brief and not nearly meaty enough in the info stakes.

Cast & Crew
A listing of the cast and crew (who’d of thunk it?) with filmographies for just Harry Hamlin, Laurence Olivier and Ray Harryhausen. They could have done a little better than that, don’t you think?

Maps of Myths and Monsters Gallery
Ray chats about some of the stop-motioned characters in the film. Unfortunately, the segments are extremely brief (only around one minute each) and don’t impart much really interesting info.

Theatrical Trailer
1.78:1, 16:9 enhanced, 1:47 long. The voice-over guy says “Clash! Of the Titans� four times. He sounds like he hated his job.

Interactive Menus
You can select from various menu items, such as sound options, chapter stops, or access the extra features. Hours of fun for the whole family!

Scene Access
Choose a scene and you are magically transported TO THAT VERY SPOT in the film! How do they do this amazing stuff?

Jacket Picture

The way I see it, Clash of the Titans just isn't as good as some of the older work Harryhausen has been a part of. It has its good moments, but it's not quite up there with fighting skeletons in the excitement stakes.

More unfortunate is the business decision to release this DVD in NTSC rather than PAL. With a video transfer which isn't the best to start with, this hasn't helped any. But it looks like the powers that be couldn't care less what we think in this regard, so we'll just have to get used to it, I suppose.

Regardless, if you have the other Harryhausen flicks so far released, then you'd probably have to get this just to have them all. It's not the best example of his work, it's not the best transfer, but it does have its shining moments.