HOME   News   Reviews   Adv Search   Features   My DVD   About   Apps   Stats     Search:
  Directed by
  Starring
  Specs
  • Full FramePan&Scan
  Languages
  • English: Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround
  Subtitles
  • None
  Extras
    Goldilocks and the Three Bears
    Force Entertainment/Force Entertainment . R4 . COLOR . 88 mins . G . PAL

      Feature
    Contract

    Goldilocks and the Three Bears (a Modern Tale) opens as a travelling storyteller named Tobias (an animatronic raccoon no less) is welcomed into the home of a family of rabbits (yes real rabbits) and pestered for a story. The story he relates is well known to all of them – the story of Goldie and the three bears.

    Goldie (Gabrielle) is a pre-pubescent girl who, when she is not winning pageants by the look of her, attends a boarding school in San Francisco. But when her adventure-loving parents are killed in a freak riverboating accident away in some corner of the globe, Goldie is placed into the custody of her long lost uncle Hal; a Bill Pullman look-alike that lives in the little mountain town of Timber City and works there planning a small eco-friendly ski-resort for a large multinational.

    At first Goldie hates the rustic mountain village and her uncle’s modest lifestyle – living as he does in some kind of high-tech dome in the forest – but soon she grows to like the clean air, the pony rides and the mountain bike tracks. One day, whilst enjoying the latter, she loses control of her bike and plummets into a steep valley. Awaking from her fall, she notices a small wooden house deep in the forest. When she gets to the house, well, we all know what happens - she tastes porridge, sits on chairs and eventually falls asleep in a bed that’s just right.

    When Goldie awakes she is in for a shock - the house belongs to three large black bears (real bears mind you) that, instead of ripping her throat out (I admit my fingers were crossed for that one), engage her in polite conversation. For these aren’t any old bears, these are magical bears – a race of bears that is almost extinct in the world. These are Timber Bears.

    Meanwhile, uncle Hal learns that the suits that pay his wages are scheming, not only to build a small ski resort, but to redevelop the whole valley; ripping up the entire stretch of forest to build strip malls or whatever it is that Americans build. His protests earn him a large rock to the back of the head, leaving him time to lie on the ground and groan while the suits steam into town to convince the locals to vote in favour of the resort.

    Can Goldie and the magical bears make it to the meeting in time to expose the scheme? Jeepers Wally, I sure hope so...

    As kids B-films go, this one has it all: evil developers, ponies, talking wildlife, dancing bears, bad acting, what more could you ask for? Well, actually, a hell of a lot more. But really it isn’t that bad, and if you yourself watched and enjoyed The Wonderful World of Disney when you were a kid (I will admit to no such thing), then chances are your kids will like Goldilocks and the Three Bears. Yeah it's crap, but sometimes that’s just what kids want to watch. Well, at least in the seventies they did.

      Video
      Audio
      Extras
    Contract

    Presented in pan and scan from what seems to be a VHS master, it is in the video department that Goldilocks and the Three Bears really fails to impress. There really is so much wrong with this transfer that it's almost a waste of time mentioning all the problems here. Suffice to say that it doesn't even rate against the typical DVD transfers being produced these days. The image is thick with video grain, colours are washed out and the image is almost continuously soft. Detail is poor in both bright and low-light scenes. Add to this some compression artefacts, film and film-to-video artefacts and things are pretty grim. Basically, the image is VHS quality at best.

    In the audio department things are a little better, with a serviceable stereo soundtrack that is adequately rendered through a Prologic decoder. Dialogue is mostly clear and distinct, with only the kooky voices given to the animals making them sometimes hard to understand. Although the majority of the soundtrack is mixed to the front of the soundstage, some nice ambient sound does make it to the rear, predominantly the sounds of the forest, and often a nice proportion of the score.

    The single layer disc has no layer change to worry about, but also no extras either. At least the kids won't need to learn how to use that silly remote thing. All in all disappointing form from Force - kids release or not. I don’t know if Goldilocks and the Three Bears is released on VHS, but if it is, buy the tape instead. At least you’ll expect that to look crap.


  • LINK: http://www.dvd.net.au/review.cgi?review_id=1334
  • Send to a friend.
  • Do YOU want to be a DVDnet reviewer? If so, click here

    Cast your vote here: You must enable cookies to vote.
  •   And I quote...
    "Remember Sunday nights and The Wonderful World of Disney? ... No I thought not."
    - Gavin Turner
      Review Equipment
    • DVD Player:
          Toshiba SD-2108
    • TV:
          Panasonic TC-68P90A TAU (80cm)
    • Receiver:
          Yamaha RX-V795
    • Amplifier:
          Yamaha RX-V795
    • Speakers:
          B&W 602
    • Centre Speaker:
          B&W CC6 S2
    • Surrounds:
          JM Lab Cobalt SR20
    • Subwoofer:
          B&W ASW-500
    • Audio Cables:
          Standard Optical
    • Video Cables:
          Standard Component RCA
      Recent Reviews:
    by Gavin Turner

    Daddy Day Care
    "Steadfastly walking the firm, middle ground of ‘family-values’ entertainment, it’s a light, sometimes funny and often enjoyable film full of cute kids and obvious gags. "

    Please Teacher! Volume 1 - Hot For Teacher
    "It’s one of the quintessential schoolboy fantasies…"

    Returner
    "What's in a title? Returner may well be a self-fulfilling prophecy… "

    Hulk: CE
    "Collector's or Special Edition? That is the question..."

    Hulk
    "Combining camp Summer-blockbuster with compelling, human drama, Ang Lee's Hulk is essential viewing."

      Related Links
      None listed

     

    Search for Title/Actor/Director:
    Google Web dvd.net.au
       Copyright © DVDnet. All rights reserved. Site Design by RED 5   
    rss